If I could...

If I could be Steven Seagal,
I'd never run, I'd only brawl
and break some arms and play guitar,
and flip some dudes onto a car.

If I could Chuck Norris be,
I'd love a fight and our country.
I'd use a gun, but wouldn't need it:
A roundhouse kick's my lethal secret.

If I could be Mike Dudikoff
I'd be happy knowing I'm Michael
f'n Dudikoff and I don't need any rhymes.
I was the American Ninja for Christ's sake,
and I'll break the form and rhythm of
this poem, like the necks of innumerable
faceless ninja, because that's how much
goddamn charisma I have.

If I could be Charles Bronson, boy,
I dare you, name who could destroy
me. They'd see my gun and run from me,
to butcher my current family.