You used to be Ultimate, you used to be my hero. The way you would run into the ring full speed and furiously shake your multi colored tassels in such varieties as hot pink and electric purple. You shook the ropes like they were nothing. I took the rubberband in my hand and tried to emulate your style. You were unstoppable, clotheslining everyone in sight. You survived the atomic leg drop, how? I didn't think it was possible. You inspired me to wonderful things in my life.
Why? Why did you have to change your official name to "Ulitmate Warrior". Your kids now have warrior as a last name. You wife has to be referred to as Ms. Warrior. You have lived out my fantasy. To refer to you properly people must call you Ultimate. I got called a brick wall yesterday while playing basketball and I thought of you.
Your selfishness made me cry. Why couldn't you master kayfabe, as I had sought to do? Bobby Heenan hates you, why? He is a likeable guy, always joking around. Did you shit in his dressing room, or disrespect him in some way? You had your own dressing room. Why? Were you above ethnic stereotypes and mythological characters like Hercules.
They said you're a horrible technical wrestler. I don't believe them, Ultimate. They are jealous of your strength and your poise.
I heard Andre the Giant punched you in the face. That was fucked up. I like Andre, but he should not have done that.
Why are you a conservative? Why have you taken that path in life? It made me cry when I heard. Hulk Hogan became a joke to me, my hero, (while at least Vanderbilt's anyway), when he tarnished his image with self accounts of being human. Hulkmania was human, but the warrior no!, He was a god! or according to his own accounts he spent a lot of time with the gods above. Your speeches exhilarated me, and added to my surrealist conceptualizations of writing, talking and literature. On Monday I found out you were human.
Or so the WWE wants us to think. I don't listen to them. You are still important to me. It was shameful how you died, and they tried to bring you back to life with that imposter. I know you died, I know you did, because the ultimate warrior that I hear about, the one who demanded money for the match in hell, the one who is a conservative speaker, the one who called Droz a cripple, he is not the Ultimate Warrior. This I know.
My image of you is not tarnished. You will always be my hero, Mr. Warrior.
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Psshhhh(sound of disregard), the UW could never raise hell like the Immortal Hulk Hogan. Was the Ultimate Warrior ever a longshoresman? Did he ever play bass guitar in a very popular regional cover band? I think not.
He never pinned Hogan. The Hulkster kicked out. And he didn't survive the leg drop. Hogan just missed.
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