What a Weekend - Part One(Saturday)

Can I tell you about my weekend?

Well, it all started Saturday morning. My Friday night was a hard, long, grueling night of sleeping, so when I woke up at 9 AM, I was too tired to get out of bed. I slept some more, until about 1, then until 3. I got up to "urinate," then took a nap until 5. Now I was ready to start my day!

I only had one thing on my to-do list for the weekend: obtain a lint mop. I had noticed my jacket was full of lint and hair, so much so that a normal brush probably wouldn't do the trick. This was a mop job. So, I high-tailed it over to Bed, Bath, and Beyond, assuming that the Beyond would undoubtedly include the object of my desire.

After walking the aisles for a good 2 minutes, I was on the brink of giving up. Luckily, a pretty young saleswoman wandered down my aisle, so I asked her for assistance. When she heard the words "lint mop," her face instantly turned into a James T. Callahan scowl. She had never heard of such a product! I prodded her some more, hoping that some extra description and pantomime might jog her memory, but she just shook her head like a young Charles S. Dutton. That's when I started to cry.

My tears must have stirred something inside of her, possibly all those feminine hormones I always hear about, stirred them like a soup. A woman soup. She took my hand, and led me to the darkest corner of Bed, Bath, and Beyound, and stuck a business card in my hand. It read "Tiger Crenshaw III - Lint Mops," and had a phone number in the bottom lefthand corner. The lettering was all in Batang font, which I now know was a foreshadowing. When I looked up from the card, the pretty saleswoman was gone. I knew now what I would be doing on my Sunday.