Public Toilets

As who ever is reading this well knows, Shitface McStevens is a sick bastard. I actually enjoy doin the do(#2) in public toilets. Some say that everytime you shit where someone else does, you take a piece of them with you. In essence, you borrow their strength. I don't really buy it, but there is something comforting about farting into a small bowl filled with water that many people have before you. Also its like adventure every time. They can smell bad, or in even more peculiar situations, actually smell good. If you're like me you get freaked out when the toilet is clean and smells good. You're like, what happened here? Did someone actually aim when they were taking a piss, or did someone take a clean shit? Impossible.

Being the scumbag I am, when I drink the 'cohol' (worst nickname ever) I enjoy pissing on everything in the bathroom! and I mean everything! All over the toilet, the toilet handle, up the paper tower dispenser, on the button the hands dryer, all over the sink, and the mirror if they have one. The great thing is, no one will ever know its you, but you can be sure that someone will accidently touch your piss. They might not even know it! The real dick thing is to piss on the door handle. That way it is inevitable that someone will touch your piss, and eventually put their hands to their mouth...

Finally, dropping creamy nuggets into public toilet soup can be point of pride. I have taken shits in diverse places such as pizza hut buffet bathrooms, amusement park speazies, and club johns. About the latter... Wow that shit was grimy. Had free flow too, shit tumbled down like a million dollar house in Malibu after a downpour following a drought. I spent close to a half hour in there. It was a unisex bathroom, which are the best to blow up by the way. So I had mad peeps yell at me. Fortunately, I have little shame so it didn't bother me to much. When I left, the attendant knew what I had done and said, "mother fucka, you gots to give me a tip for that shit" We both laughed, but out hands together (unwashed), and said, "ONE, TWO, THREE GIRLS," and proceeded to jump up and slap hands like the saved by the bell episode where they find oil at Bayside. I wanted to shit on it, but yes... There is actually oil in California. That shit could've happened, however the earthquake episode lacks legibility. GOD! Real earthquakes don't last that long!