All in all, the best way to shorten the grass on your lawn is with a "lawn mower." I know what you're thinking: "mow"? What kind of word is that? Quite strange, indeed. If my memory serves correct, "mow" is a shortening of the title of the famous boardgame, "Mownopoly." When you mow your lawn, you are cutting the grass short and flat, like a Mownopoly board.
We've all had fun on our front lawns, whether it was dancing around the sprinkler when we were kids, or rolling around on it last week before we drove over to our ex's house so the clippings would camoflouge us as we hid on her front lawn all night watching her bedroom to make sure no one was with her. But there were bad times, too. One time, and I'm sure you can relate to this, when I was 10, I was innocently playing in my front yard, kicking a ball about as the kids at the time liked to do, when a bat flew out of a tree, smack into the side of my head. I was stunned, scared, a little wet by now too. I couldn't move, I was mesmorized by this horribly ugly creature flailing about in front of me. It ended up on my lap, and thats when I became stunned, scared, wet and stinky. Then it bit me. Fortunately, the bat wasn't rabid, and things actually turned out pretty good, because it told me where the invisible treasure was. I wrote out everything it told me onto my shirt with my blood. I have to say, I was pretty resourceful at 10. I still have all the directions. I just need a few more items for the broth I have to make, but I'm running out of time. Only 12 more years until it's visible again!
In conclusion, lawns are made of grass, and dogs generally poop on them. Thank you for reading my graduate school thesis.
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