BfN Secrets

This being our 17-day anniversary, I thought I would celebrate by telling some little-known facts about each contributor. Some are shocking, some are a little embarassing, but it's all in good fun. Happy Anniversary!

Pinche Cabrona: Holds a world record in pizza tossing(12" and under), even though she despises pizza. Entertains geriatrics by dancing the Charleston. Can replicate any signature she sees(this comes in handy at baseball card conventions).

Madison Sinclair: Smokes a pipe, not filled with tobacco, but with ground-up baby teeth(he says it's the key to eternal youth). Plays a wicked lute(and a better skin lute). Once shook hands with Buzz Aldrin.

Shitface Mcstevens: Only person in recorded medical history to develop hairy palms and go blind from a certain act. Was runner up for GQ's 1992 "Scumbag of the Year Award"(just lost out to a young Brandon Call). Once used to keep a diary, but we found the key and read it, and found out his sick fantasies concerning Rhea Perlman and anti-bacterial handsoap, so now he doesn't keep a diary anymore.

Robert Paulson: Purportedly discovered a cure for the dreaded "Nerd Wrist." Can disassemble a chair and put it back together faster than you can tie your shoes. Sometimes you can find him wearing men's clothing.

and finally...

Vanderbilt Ignoble: Is awesome. I mean, like, really awesome, and he's totally a nice guy, too. Huge package.