Vanderbilt's Week 11 NFL Picks

Here are some more expert picks from a football expert who used his expertise and expert knowledge to help you become an expert too.

Tampa Bay(+6) at Atlanta - After the Falcons win by 7, Warrick Dunn, who had rushed for the game-winning TD, will retire, telling the media "I'm done." Reporters will not understand, and will reply, "Yeah, we know. You're Warrick Dunn." Warrick will say, "No, I mean I'm done." This will go back and forth for hours, until Warrick thinks of a synonym.
Pittsburgh at Baltimore - On Saturday, Hines Ward, still feeling the pride of becoming the number one receiver in Steelers' history, will piss on Edgar Allen Poe's home, saying "Quoth Hines Ward: The Ravens fucking suck." He will be roundly criticized for not being clever, even though some will praise him for being at least slightly literate. It won't affect him, and he'll laugh himself all the way to 100 yds and a TD. Steelers by 10.
Carolina at Chicago(+3) - Before the game, Deshaun Foster will come face-to-face with his estranged step-father, Frank Lambert. They will hug, and Cody will say something retarded. This will give him the determination to block a lot while Stephen Davis runs for 100 yards. Also, two Panthers cheerleaders will be caught having sex at Mike Ditka's restaurant. Carolina by 14.
Miami(+2 1/2) at Cleveland - In the most flamboyant touchdown celebration yet, Antonio Bryant will sing the score to Rent into the football after a 30 yard touchdown pass. He will be dead by sundown. Browns by 3.
Detroit(+8) at Dallas - Roy Williams will intercept a pass intended for Roy Williams. When he hears about it, Joe Buck's head will explode at the thought of missing such an opportunity for witticism. Dallas by 6.
NY Jets(+13) at Denver - Curtis Martin will finally admit he is the cartoonist behind the comic strip bearing his first name. Fans will learn that, unsurprisingly, he has based Curtis on himself, Gunther on Herm Edwards, and Chutney on Chad Pennington. Wayne Chrebet is Gunk. Denver by 28. No, make it 35. I hate 'Curtis.'
Indianapolis at Cincinnati(+6) - This one is easy. Just look at the team names: a bengal tiger will always take a colt in a fight. Look for this logic in the background of other games, such as the Cowboys and Lions(cowboys have guns), and the Seahawks and 49ers(birds always beat gays). Cinci by 3.
Jacksonville at Tennessee(+4) - After Byron Leftwich's goldfish Abraham dies Sunday morning, he will be distraught. Jimmy Smith will tell him, "Together, we'll be fine," and Byron will dedicate the game in Abraham's honor. Jags by 10.
Kansas City at Houston(+7) - Both Trent Green and David Carr will miss this game, as they will be too busy playing each other in Mario Kart DS. Carr will dominate, even with less agile characters like Bowser and DK, and Green will try to avoid defeat by turning his system off "accidently." He will go to jail for 3-5 years for breaking international law. Houston by a TD.
New Orleans(+9 1/2) at New England - Corey Dillon and Tom Brady will be caught in a compromising position, and this game will go down in history as the "Snowball Bowl." The embarassment will get to Brady, and he will have a QB rating of 100 instead of the 115 he should have had. Pats by 17.
Philadelphia(+7) at NY Giants - Did you know Jeremy Shockey was part of the X-Men? You will after this Sunday. Despite his name, his powers have nothing to do with electricity. Actually, he is only able to grow hair at will when he gets angry. Being plenty angry after last week, watch for a long beard, and defenders getting caught in his pubes. Giants(hopefully) by 6.
Buffalo(+11) at San Diego - LT and JP take a drive to the OC on Sat. JP returns alone, and LT is found DOA. OMG! says Drew Brees. Antonio Gates has three TDs, telling the Bills he will TTYL. SD by 14.
Seattle at San Francisco(+12 1/2) - Shaun Alexander reveals that he is, in fact, God. No one is surprised. Seahawks by 3 TDs.
Arizona(+9 1/2) at St. Louis - Kurt Warner, frustrated at being constipated last week, will once again attempt to take a dump in the endzone. The Cardinals will burn two timeouts, but to no avail. Warner vows to eat more fiber. Rams by 13.
Oakland(+6) at Washington - Kerry Collins will call the Redskins' number one receiver "Tito Santana Moss." Santana will take it as a compliment, and will nickname Mark Brunell "Rick Martel," thus resurrecting the legendary tag team Strike Force. Redskins by countout.
Minnesota(+4 1/2) at Green Bay - Favre pulls out every play in his book to get this win, including shooting his own wife and children so that he will have some kind of personal obstacle to overcome. The police will wait for him to finish the game before they arrest him, because everyone in Green Bay worships Brett Favre. Seriously, he could kill an old lady, strip her naked, then light her body on fire while wearing her clothes, and Packers fans would still say, "He is just so working class." Packers by 3.