My Hero

Tara Reid is an icon for the new millennium. Her grace, beauty and charm is only surpassed by the late Princess Di. But, she's dead - so, Tara Reid's awesomeness is unmatched.

1. Tara Reid is an innovator. Take, for example, the fact that she was the pioneer of nipple exposure. This brilliant move would later be copied, but never mastered by such celebrities as Janet Jackson and Keira Knightly. Expect to continue seeing nipple exposure from other up-and-coming entertainers, but do not expect to see it in it's purest form as demonstrated by Tara.

2. When Tara disappeared from the silver screen for no other reason than "there was a lack of quality roles to be played", she did the next best thing: Not Broadway. Not Noxema commercials. No. She started gracing the pages of many a gossip magazine. Articles about drug abuse and eating disorders is the equivalent of prestigious cosmetic company endorsements. It makes business sense.

3. Tara Reid sold her soul to the devil for breast enlargements and then laughed at him when he realized that skeezy, slutty whores don't have souls. The joke's on you, Lucifer...the joke's on you.

4. When life throws you lemons, Tara makes lemon drops (extra Kettle One, hold the lemon juice). Because there's nothing like saying, "I'm on top of the world," unless you say it with a slur and mean it. Drunks are always more truthful than sober people, and that's how Tara Reid keeps it real.

5. An unconfirmed report was leaked regarding Tara's run for Ms. Teen New Jersey 1995. Allegedly, Tara's talent consisted of singing an Aria from La Boheme while giving body shots to the College of New Jersey Sigma Pi Frat boys. Now, that's talent.

For these five reasons and many more, Tara Reid is my hero and I'd like to meet her someday. Tara, if you are reading this: Call me, biatch!